Bite your tongue and hope to die

I have had it! Enough is enough.

I do not deem myself as someone who is pious.
Nor would I dream of telling somebody off for their misdeeds.
-especially when I have my very own misdeeds to deal with-

So when I find myself in the company of those comfortable enough to bombard away on all things religious, describing me as a fish out of water would be a gross understatement.

True, I am a muslim (or atleast I'd like to believe I am one, regardless of all my short comings). But I do have my own views and beliefs.

Just because I'm not an extremist, it doesn't mean that I do not care about religion.
Just because I see things in a different light, it doesn't mean that I've gone down the devil's path.

Maybe they said what they did because they were so sure that I was 'one of them'. In a sense, I am. But when it comes to branding those different from us as 'kafir' and hell ridden people, I get defensive.

Maybe it's because they are also talking about my family and dearest friends- who did not deserve any of that. Or maybe it's because I also know that the one's saying such hateful things about others are not as 'pure' (I have no idea how else to phrase it) as they make themselves out to be.

No doubt that you believe that your right is being taken away. And that those 'not your kind' is all out to get you and ridicule your faith. But what happened is done. If you really wish to undo it, please do so in dignity.

I do not make a habit of commenting about politics (especially in my blog). But when it comes down to it, saying that these people deserve their holy buildings burnt and violated is beyond crude. How would you feel if the tables were turned?

Would you have handled it as well as they had and not torch their buildings down in return?
Would you have the strength to not hate those who has violated you?

The questions were swimming in my mind. My mouth was itching to say the words, but I dare not! Because on the slightest hint of protest, the whole group would swoop down on me like some almighty legion and smite me down. Heh.

"We have learned to fly the air like birds and swim the sea like fish, but we have not learned the simple art of living together as brothers."

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

Sometimes all we need is a little understanding.

I. Am. Eight.

I simply do not understand what's the big deal about growing older.

Sure, you thank your lucky stars that you havent joined hades (yet).

But other then that, growing older = More responsibilities + More work - fun.

I wanna be 7 again.

-->*sigh* I dislike this! (influence from too much facebook) Heh.

Aside from my frumpy-mopey mood due to the fact that I'm no longer a kiddie, 2009 has actually treated me rather well.

My 14 year friendship with The Bestie has now turned 15 and stronger then ever.

I have a boyfriend who loves and adores me.

And I've (finally) found a friend on campus who I can trust and depend on.

(Trust me, with so much hate and back-stabbing tendencies in the fac, this is definitely a big deal.)

And for the first time in my life, somebody threw me a surprise.

Though the methods they used to con me there is somewhat humiliating for me (btw, I shall get you for that!), It was worth the temporary flurry of foolish acts.

Twas beyond sweet. Small and personal. Just the way I like it :)

Meow, I adore you :) Thank you, mastermind. Plus, You knew what was my fav cake! Extra brownie points for that~

cake, good food, ciggies, people I love and lots of laughter makes me a happy girl :)

 

Classes are as hectic as they can be!

Thank god I still have my refresh button.

I WANT!

Florence + the machine is coming to Singapore for their maiden concert!!!!!

OMFG! I want to go and see Florence Welch!

I almost squealed (yes people, SQUEALED) in the middle of my moots meeting when I found out about it yesterday. I know I'm slipping into groupie mode here BUT(!) I've been hankering to see them live since FOREVER. I wanna go SO badly.

PLEASE will somebody take me to see the show??
Pleeeaaseeee~

As I've said before, money is no object. I just wanna fucking go!

Unfortunately, it's in Singapore. So I need atleast 1 person to go with me. Plus, ticketing is through credit cards (which I cannot use!). And it's only S$ 55 a pop! Fuck me.

I really wanna go! Am on the brink of desperation here. Anyways, when else will they perform here?? This is my chance!




Will hatch up a sceme to get me to the concert. MUST!

All together now, 1,2,3 *Fuuuh!*

God loves me after all.
By some cosmic interference, things are actually going my way. (Finally!)

I escaped 'her' for the semester (and hopefully for the rest of my natural life).
But unfortunately, not everybody is as lucky.
Regardless, this has to be said for my sake; Yeahoo~
*Victory dance* Heh.

To sum up the 1st day of class: hectic.

Running around in heels = Hell's fire devouring your feet.
(This was made worse due to the fact that UiTM is hilly. So not only did I have to run, I had to run up an inclined path. motherfucker!)

But atleast the torture was (somewhat) worth it.

1. I am now officially a Mawarian (??). Heh. Am still not sure if that's a good thing. But hey, atleast I get to use it whenever I want and still go home on a whim. I like :)

2. Found out that I'll be apart of Maritime moots. Sure, I was ecstatic when I found out. But after the giddiness died down, I'm starting to wonder if I've gone way over my head. *sigh* Quite honestly, I'm scared shitless. Not only am I the least experienced and least knowledgeable person in the teams. I might very well also be the least confident.

Again, I still do not understand why people think I'm so comfortable speaking (making a fool of myself more like!) in public.
I swear you all can hear my heart going on overdrive every time I get up to speak!





Special thanks to the boyfriend for neutralising the hectic-ness of the day.
And also for treating me to a smashing film.
I adore you.

Girl with the glass

I'm absolutely dreading going back to class.
Especially since ALL my classes start at (fuck me!) 8 a.m.

I predict that I'll skip most of my morning classes (due to the fact that there's no way in hell that I'll be able to wake up). As for the rest, I'd go- albeit teribbly late. Dont wanna get banned for exams now do we?? (>,<)"

I'll miss all the lazy days leisurely reading books and watching films.
No more mind-fucking good art to wow me anymore- or atleast not as much.
*Sigh*

Speaking of; Ame'lie was mind blowing! Awesome on a whole new level. I cant fucking believe I haven't seen it sooner. Boo me.




If you've adored "Before sunset", "Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" or even the quirky creations of Tim Burton, You'll love this. The dynamic story telling and the delicious way the dialogs make you fall in love with the characters is simply Divine.

If made by a lesser director, the film would've been ho-hum. But the depth of the character- Ame'lie, more than makes up for it. Bravo Jean-Pierre Jeunet!

(In secret, I fell some sort of kinship with Ame'lie.. She sees everybody else's world as clear as water but her's cant be more complicated. Heh.)

Beautiful soundtracks as well. Though I'm not really a classical fan, I definitely enjoyed this. Sometimes words aren't needed to express feelings..
Now I wish I knew how to play the piano. Ha!

The only down side of the whole thing is that it's in french. So finding a copy of the film with it's original french audio and English subtitles is a bitch.

Oh well, atleast I have it now..

Now, anyone have a copy of "The last station" ?? Please! I want to see it SO badly.





Have to wake up early tomorrow.
And I shall find out if I have a class with 'her'.
I'm fucked if it's true.
God have mercy on me.

Why so kiasu?

I know this post sounds Aunt Agatha-ish. But Fuck it. This has to be said.

When it comes to being in relationships, something has got to give- really, there's no way around it.
Sacrifices must be made. Actions must be thought over. So on and so fourth..

The ever popular line; "buat apa ada GF/BF?? Habiskan duit je!" may not always be the case. If a person likes you for (ehem, excuse the cliche) YOU, then there's plenty of things you can do together for the fraction of the cost.

Watching a football match at the mamak or simply snuggling on the couch reading a book together works just as well as a 5-star dinner- what you need is merely a common interest.

We're students after all and should save.

BUT! When you whip out a pen and jot down "RM 1.80 for teh tarik" after belanja-ing the GF/BF, all you deserve is a smack on the forehead. (Don't laugh, this really happened!) Of course you don't have to break the bank when you're in a relationship, but THIS?? Aiyoo~

Another 'Aiyoo' is when a guy asks a girl/GF out and even offers to pick her up, only to later demand gas money from her. Guys out there, please hear my pleas.. Do NOT do this! Especially if you're trying to tackle the poor girl. All you'll do is leave her feeling scammed.

Tedekut-ness doesn't only apply to cash. Some couples even save on telling and/or expressing to each other how much they love each other. Sounds stupid and petty right? But it doesn't make it any less real or damaging.

Somebody told me; "Why am I the only one to always say I love you to him/her when he/she doest even bother to reply??" You fear seeming desperate- everybody does. But in retrospect, the only reason you feel desperate is because you measure the love you give the other- and expect the other half to give you just as much. All I can say is that this theory is fucked up.

This, ladies and gentleman, is the biggest 'Aiyoo' of all.
Because you're not only being kiasu with money. You're also being kiasu with your love and affections- which is just sad.

Regardless of whether it involves money or emotions, sometimes giving is a gazillion times more rewarding then receiving. After all, the more you give, the more you get right??





I totally sound like fucking Aunt Agatha. *Sigh* maybe I should stop blogging and start a relationship column?? Heh.

Phoenix resurrected

New year = Funeral.

I told you my holidays are never conventional. But this??
*Sigh* Gimmie a break.
This is NOT a good way to start off my year.

Eerily, this is the second year in a row that I've spent my new year attending a funeral. Fate, you must think you're really funny eh? I do not need a reminder that I'd be joining those poor souls too. And that every year my time comes creeping closer. So stop fucking around with me.

I know very well that what happened is not just about me.
Watching the families dear to me mourn a loved one is excruciating.
I hate watching them break down.
Worse, I hate knowing that I'll fare much MUCH worse if I'm their shoes. Which in turn makes me feel like crap. Then cue the 1 ton guilt, coz I'm THAT self centered. I was supposed to comfort them, not the other way around. Yeah, all 'round crap-ness indeed.

Somehow this year's death was much more disturbing then the last (but not less tragic). I now know that I'm not yet cured of my illness. Almost a year of poking and prodding, treatments and religiously shoving pills down my throat did nothing to improve the bloody problem. I guess it's only natural for me to question my mortality now.

Though I must admit I'd rather be anywhere but the cemetery on new year's day, it did help me put some things in perspective. As cliche as it sounds, I need to appreciate those dear to me more. I wont have them forever. Emo yo!

Mummy- I promise to fight with you less. I shall try to let you win. Heh. *Hugs*

Daddy- I'll try to spend less of your money this year :)
ps: Thank you for the car! LOVE you!

The boyfriend- I shall try to limit my PMS-like mood swings and my (seemingly) endless bullying. You know I adore you!

The bestie- More quality time is in order! I shall have special slots in my calender just for you.

Meow- More snuggies! A sleepover is in order :)

Oh, and I (still) wanna lose weight! Also one of my new year's resolutions. Hihi. I'm allowed atlaest 1 vain resolution right??

I'm as vain as I allow myself to be~





(Still not feeling any better)