Chasing Uniformity

Someone I respect very much once said;

"The right to believe also includes the right not to believe."

And I for one, couldn't agree more.

What is it that makes us so negative about another? Think about it. Why did the Nazi hate the Jews so much when the Jews have done nothing to the Germans? Why is it that some Malays hate the Chinese/Indians and vise versa? Aren't we supposed to be the same?

The difference between us is simple. It's what we believe in.

The Nazi believed that the Jews were taking away what they felt is their right. The Malays think and have different cultures from the non-malays. So since we are not exactly the same, we do not trust them. We think that we're oh-so different form them. And worse, because of some random difference we may think we're even better than they are.

I've read an interesting post the other day. It was by a guy who was blasting off about how 'stupid' (his words, not mine) this girl was for hating Alaf 21 books. Apparently, she says that anybody who reads em' are 'idiots' but he says otherwise and states that SHE's the idiot. He even put her blog's link in the post to prove how 'narrow minded' she was.

Tsk. Tsk. See what I mean?

I used to like following his blog, now I just feel that he's bland. Pity, he did put in some very convincing points (as he always does). But when it comes down to it, he was just as bad as the girl. He did exactly what the girl did; to mock those who do not believe in the same things as you do. Sorry man, you've just lost my respect.

As for myself, I must say I do not enjoy reading Alaf 21 books. I think they're too mushy and unrealistically dramatic. But then again, I have read some in the past. So does that make me an idiot? I think not. And as for those who're firm fans of the books, never think you're foolish either. Everybody has their own escapism.

Being firm in what you believe in is not wrong. But if you make it public, just be sure that you're also impartial to what others believe in.

Remember, you are not Hitler. Back off! And leave everyone else the fuck alone.

I promise I'll run away with you

It's 2 freakin' a.m.

Finals is in 2 days.

JPA is givin me shit. (Note to self, settle that ASAP!)

And I have a contracts assgnment due.

Hence, I'm supposed to be on my semester meltdown mode. It's the mode I'm in when the finals are near- panik + PMS tak tentu pasal je. (-.-)"

But fortunately for me, this year I have my very own 'refresh button'. All I have to do is ask and it'll do it's magic. And suffice to say that what it does to me is (Heh.) magical~

Again, we travelled to our 'tempat sejuk' (Hahaha). Twas an educational experience indeed as I discovered 3 very important tidbits for future references:

1) Never leave the planning to him. Oh, I still love you very much darlin', but you simply cannot be trusted to make plans that is.. Ermm.. actually PLANNED. Ironically, that's what I like about you. Anyway, this is why you have ME. So next time, give me the vague info and leave the planning to me kay? And don't worry, you are still welcomed to pay :)

2) There are some traits of the male species that cannot be changed- even with years of evolution. And this trait happens to be the I-do-not-ask-questions trait. Haihh.. So instead of asking what's going on, my much loved man charges ahead. Only to be trounced by a dead end. Tsk-tsk.. Not to worry darlin' I'm not bullying you, and it's definitely NOT just you. I'm referring to the majority male species. You just happen to strengthen my belief.

3) Now THIS refers to only you. I can bet that you will NEVER eat your veggies willingly. I can honestly imagine you being scolded together with your future kids by your future wife to eat your veggies! And please don't say that you'll change when you get married, my dad used the very same propaganda! Tak ubah-ubah puuun~

*Please note how he would painstakingly use the sundae spoon to scoop out all of his veggies and put it safely in the sundae cover so that the pesky veggies wouldn't disturb his dining experience.

**Still can't post a debut pic of him as he had once again refused my request. (Sigh~)

However, despite learning these new facts about you.

I would still run away with you simply because I love you. (Public declaration ni!) Hihihi...

The road not taken together

Above anybody else, I came to you for comfort. When no parent nor boyfriend can possibly understand my plight, you'd ALWAYS be there. My life line. Keeping my head above the water. You were the only one who gave me rude awakenings, but minus the pain and humiliation. For all of the shit you've pulled me out of and all the hardships you've gone through to protect me, I shall be eternally grateful. You are one of the people in my life who's never exchangeable.
And it gives me comfort that I was that someone to you too.

It's funny how studying in different states had never weakened our bond but when we are so close to each other, we tend to fade away. No, we never fight. Ever. We still care for each other- or at least I still do. I guess we just.. drifted. Too damn busy with our own little lives. Had I been the one to let this happened? I honestly don't know..

How did it become THIS bad? To a point where I have to find out that something is so obviously hurting you through fucking facebook??? Since when was it not me who you ran to when in pain?
Maybe it was my fault. Come to think of it, you did give me a few S.O.S signals. Maybe I was just too bloody self centered to realize it. And for that and everything else, I'm sorry.

I can confidently say that not many people have what we have. And I'll be damned to let it go.

So come back anytime you want.

I shall be waiting with open arms.

Yes/No/Maybe

Today, I was approached by a man who wailed;

Why issit when women say YES it really means NO?!
Why issit when women say NO it really means YES?!

Why can't women give bloody straight answers??!
(Grumble..grumble..grumble..)

Ahh~ The mysteries of the female mind..

Actually dear gentle readers, the female mind ain't as complicated as it seems. Just put in a little logic and due notice on little things such as her body language and her tone of voice, and Hey Presto! You'll find out what she Really means.

But be warned! You men may not like the truth.


Confused?? Well, it'll be my pleasure to explain it in excruciating detail. Oh, and not to worry on the credibility of my answers.. All my explanations shall be backed-up by cases ;)


Reasons why women do not say what they really mean;

1. We do not want to hurt the male's gentle -albeit gigantic- ego.
   
   Ladies, we walk a very delicate tight rope. Most of the time, to say what we really mean requires us to say that the male (in one way or the other) is WRONG. *Sigh* And we all know how tedious a task that is.. The darn fact is, most men do not like to be proven wrong- Especially by the fairer sex. Therefore, most women prefer to just let it go and give up before the proverbial volcano explodes-although you STILL do not agree with him.
   
   Case 1**:
   A couple is getting ready to go out for dinner. They are late. The male- inspired by the new Dragon Ball movie, decides to sport the 'Goku' hairstyle. He has been a great fan since his childhood and declares the show/manga (and all it's characters- including the old man in the tortoise shell) as cooler then cool. The female knows that he genuinely thinks that it's cool, although he DOES look like an electrified hairy monkey. So when he asks her what she thinks of the style, she opts for preserving his ego (and also a potentially long dispute over how cool Goku is) and says "Yes, it's nice". See my point?
   
   
2. We do not want to portray ourselves as (a) Control Queens, (b) Gold Diggers, (c) Demanding or (d) All of the above.
   
   This usually applies to monetary and property matters. The males are said to be the 'one who wears the pants' in a relationship and that includes sorting out the couple's accounts- or lack thereof. For some odd reason, women fear that the males might categorize them in the above categories if they reveal their material needs. Please note that sometimes the females might be overly paranoid (I'm being impartial here). However, most males tend to subconsciously have negative feelings when pressured into providing more than what they had expected.
   
   Case 2**:
   When looking for a potential house- and actually finding one within their needs, the man may ask;
   Man: So, what do you think of the house?
   (What the women really thinks: The kitchen is too small and why on earth is the master bedroom window facing a goddamn wall??) But..
   Woman: Yes, It's nice.
   They buy the house, end of story. BUT had she said what she really felt, wouldn't the words stated above pop into mind??
   
   
3. We expect the males to actually UNDERSTAND what we really mean.
   
   Ahh.. Well, this point may be purely our fault. Because really! What ninnyhead expects males to understand what she saying 100% of the time?? Ladies, THIS may be your downfall. If it is EXTREMELY important, DO NOT hesitate on spelling out what you think!
   
   Case 3**:
   Man: Syg, may I go drag racing tonight?
   Woman: (Long pause) Sure, It's up to you. (Voice short and crisp)
   So the man goes out and does cool Tokyo drift moves. But suddenly!! He loses control and crashes into a log. He'd dislocated his shoulders. When he calls the woman from the emergency room, she doesn't pick up. Clearly, dia sudah merajuk~ And you wonder, why la wanna merajuk?? She said she was fine with him racing. Ayoo bro, Look at your shoulder la. Si Bongok.

BUT not all Males are like so. There ARE a minority of bearable men out there who can actually understand women- if not all of the time, then at least most. Ladies, if you are in possession of one, shackle him down. NOW!

**Cases are based on true accounts.

The Lizard Roars

I'm in trouble.

Yes, I know, my dear friends did warn me of what I'm changing into. (Please stop the goddamn I-told-you-so treatment already!)

I'm mellow-er you say? (Btw, is that even a word??)

Needless to say, when I was given the comment, I went into deny, deny, DENY mode. Coz really! ME? Mellow?? Puh-leez~

So twas a smack in the face when I was given the evidence;

1. My playlist has totally evolved. Gone was the days of kick ass rock n roll. I'm now listening to the likes of Snow petrol, Coldplay, Goo Goo Dolls and Lifehouse. Holy crap! And I didn't even realise that I've been putting them on loop!
2. I (annoyingly) tend to blurt out sugar coated and shockingly optimistic crap -Trust me, twas unintentional!
3. I'm now allowing myself to build castles in the sky. I dream of the future and actually expect it to be fine and dandy. Motherfucker! I'm going nuts!

At this rate, pretty soon I'll be prancing around in a fluffy pink tutu sprinkling fucking fairy dust.

I. NEED. PROFESSIONAL. HELP.


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I love having coffee with him in the morning.

It helps alot since he snores like he's trying to roar.

But I love you anyways~

Currents of the lake

'They' say that that in order to have what you crave for the most, a leap of faith is in order.

'They' say believe in your cause, and you shall have your reward.

It will come if you open yourself to the possibilities.


Oh, we all hear what 'they' say. We all see the hope 'they' try to instill. But what 'they' forgot to mention was what happens if you take a leap of faith and not land where you want to. If you believe in your cause but the reward you have been waiting for never comes. If you open yourself to the endless possibilities and end up vulnerable to all the pains in the world.

Yes, I do admit that I'd like to believe what 'they' say. We're all humans after all, we all want happiness. And if we can't have that, then even the idea of it will do.. sad isn't it?


For years I've been a firm believer that NOT listening to 'them' shall keep me safe. No fucking leaps of faith and openness for me! It will only leave you weak. And I despise being so.

But for some odd reason, I let myself take the biggest leap of faith there is. And expose myself to the worst kinds of hurt and pain imaginable.

I must have been out of my mind.

High in the heat of the moment.

But damn it, I wanted to know what it feels like to let your happiness hang in the balance of another person. To stop building walls and actually believe that a person can take a part of my soul and actually keep it safe from harm.


"Are you sure you won't regret this?"

How am I supposed to be absolutely sure? I may, maybe. But for now, I don't.

I'm never the type to build castles in the sky. I know what may happen eventually. It may take a year, maybe even 5. I'm not sure..

But what I AM sure about is that no matter what happens to us, regardless of how it ends. Part of me shall always be yours. It may be forgotten and discarded over time, how you keep it is up to you. But I know that the significance of what had happened will never fade for me. One day I might crave for that part of me again but I also know that I shall never have it back.

This is my leap of faith.

The hand that wields the murder weapon

Keeping good things in my life isn't (and never will be) easy. Maybe I'm over blowing what's going on in my own life. Unaware that maybe- just maybe, others may face similar problems too.

Oh well, I know I'm one self centered brat.

But it's all good now.

Maybe my expiry theory is bullshit after all. Though I was totally convinced that he was gonna call it quits. Huh. It goes to show that just because you've been through almost a dozen fucking relationships with the same goddamn ending, it DOESN'T make you an expert on the subject.. Or maybe it does. But this time I swear I wont complain if he proves me wrong.

Because regardless of the fact that I may joke about looking forward to getting married to a host of different men after the expiry date, I really don't want to have love and lost so frequently.
There's only so much a girl can take before giving up.

Plus, I'm trying to sound less jaded and more accepting of life's "magic". Is it working??

Shovel in one hand, Hope in the other

Is it really taboo to dwell on one's mortality? I mean, should we just believe what we are told and just hope that heaven and hell exists? And that's where we'll all be when we die?

Have you ever tried to remember anything about yourself before you were born? I have. And it was empty. No feelings or vague memories. Just blankness. That's when a thought struck me, maybe when we die we'll just be gone. No afterlife, no reincarnation or any of that shit. We'll just cease to exist.

Have you ever wondered why the word 'afterlife' exists but not the word 'beforelife'? Isn't it supposed to be the same? we were not alive both of the time, but just because we feel now, we assume that we'll continue to feel, even after death. Do you know what that means? It's just the same as the concept of immortality -something that we humans have always craved for but will never have. We humans are afraid. Afraid of dieing and not feeling anymore. So we let ourselves believe that we'll continue to 'live' even after we die. It may be a good life in heaven or a bad one in hell, but it's still living. And this, my dear friends is why the concept of simply not existing anymore repels us humans.

As a muslim, I may be committing a great sin for over analysing this. I'm almost afraid that I'll be struck by lightning for just thinking about it. But I'm just.. curious.

Sometimes ceasing to exist is not such a bad thing.