Phoenix resurrected

New year = Funeral.

I told you my holidays are never conventional. But this??
*Sigh* Gimmie a break.
This is NOT a good way to start off my year.

Eerily, this is the second year in a row that I've spent my new year attending a funeral. Fate, you must think you're really funny eh? I do not need a reminder that I'd be joining those poor souls too. And that every year my time comes creeping closer. So stop fucking around with me.

I know very well that what happened is not just about me.
Watching the families dear to me mourn a loved one is excruciating.
I hate watching them break down.
Worse, I hate knowing that I'll fare much MUCH worse if I'm their shoes. Which in turn makes me feel like crap. Then cue the 1 ton guilt, coz I'm THAT self centered. I was supposed to comfort them, not the other way around. Yeah, all 'round crap-ness indeed.

Somehow this year's death was much more disturbing then the last (but not less tragic). I now know that I'm not yet cured of my illness. Almost a year of poking and prodding, treatments and religiously shoving pills down my throat did nothing to improve the bloody problem. I guess it's only natural for me to question my mortality now.

Though I must admit I'd rather be anywhere but the cemetery on new year's day, it did help me put some things in perspective. As cliche as it sounds, I need to appreciate those dear to me more. I wont have them forever. Emo yo!

Mummy- I promise to fight with you less. I shall try to let you win. Heh. *Hugs*

Daddy- I'll try to spend less of your money this year :)
ps: Thank you for the car! LOVE you!

The boyfriend- I shall try to limit my PMS-like mood swings and my (seemingly) endless bullying. You know I adore you!

The bestie- More quality time is in order! I shall have special slots in my calender just for you.

Meow- More snuggies! A sleepover is in order :)

Oh, and I (still) wanna lose weight! Also one of my new year's resolutions. Hihi. I'm allowed atlaest 1 vain resolution right??

I'm as vain as I allow myself to be~





(Still not feeling any better)