Change of management

It's new year's eve.

And I smell change in the air. (heh.)

UiTM shall have a NEW VC. (O.0)?
Yes, it's true!
As I type this lil post, the Current VC, our Tan Sri Dato'... (too many pangkat).. seri prof. Abu Shah is bidding farewell to the university and us lil people.

Crying faces and mass confusion- that's what you see during the farewell bash.

Twas unexpected indeed. With no news nor warning signs, the VC is replaced- the news given to him through a bloody phone call no less! No grace period for our good old VC- even after 9 years of his life dedicated to the university.

Personally, I do not know what to make of this. Why so rushed?

A political move? Maybe? Yes? No?
I shall keep mum.

*Sigh*
How shall we ever survive without his pictures (or more importantly, his dazzling mustache) on our campus' billboards and banners??

But the million question is...
Who shall be the new VC?? Jeng 3x!

I know~
Hihi.
The letter of his appointment is already out.
Maybe we'll fare better (or worse.. who knows?) with a man with a similar built as our current VC, darker skin tone.. but (unfortunately?), no killer mustache. (Clue!!!)

As you read this, major changes are already planned for most of the university's administrative system.

But will it work??
Only time shall tell..

Fra la la~ (not)

Funny how my holidays are never conventional (Thank god).

Despite the (obvious) efforts of the elders (Ha!), we 'kiddies' spent the day binging on our all time fav profanity filled films and a good dose of mind numbing music. Although we all earned dirty looks and a looong lecture(s) on the (apparently) important 'family bonding time' on Xmas- Twas definitely worth it.

We started with "Breakfast at Tiffany's"- Yes,yes.. It's a chick flick but goddamn(!) I LOVE Audrey. I'd totally do her (Heh). And they way they spoke in the 60's is positively yummy!
You're ace baby!

I so wanna try that ciggie pipe thingy! But I have absolutely no idea where to get one :'(

And even in black n white + bloody powder mascara, she's hot. That bitch!

Was reintroduced to the magic that is "Thank you for smoking". God, it has been ages since I've last seen it. I forgot how wonderful their dialogs and their awesome (albeit unorthodox) ideas are.

"I wanna fuck you while you're on TV. Hurry, before your segment ends!"

Ahh~ Funny how simple words like that brings fourth both comedy and romance. Love it!

Continued the the film fest with god knows what else.. "Before sunset" was (duh!!) a must and we even watched fucking "Schindler's List "(!) which was mind blowing. Who knew watching the Nazis was sooo good?? "Julie + Julia" was Surprisingly damned good too. The people describing the film should find another job. Because you guys suck. They made the film sound like a stiff emotionless biography. Suffice to say, it was anything but. But beware to those on diets! The film may induce sudden pangs of hunger for fine cuisine. :)

We eventually stopped the film fest due to 'biji mata kering' syndrome. Boo-hoo.

So to entertain ourselves, we raided the house's record collections! Yes, I'm not fucking kidding- I do mean the huge ass black records! Judas Priest-Def Leppard-Deep purple-Led Zepplin Bliss! Hard rock much?? *Sigh* But what to do, the uncles (including daddy) were die (really!) hard fans. Imagine 50-60 year olds playing air guitar to their old tunes. Beyond weird.

But managed to slid in some Florence+the machine in (Yes, I know. I'm SO obsessed! I barely listen to anything else) and some good ol' The Cranberries.

Dug up this recent pic of them. And now I'm beyond green with envy. Dolores is as old as my mom and she looks friggin' hot. (You look hot too mummy!) Heh.

I want her hair! I want it bright red too! If only I was as pretty (and slim) as her to be able to carry it off.. Fuck me.

'Eventually' has come

To be quite honest, I started this post yesterday. On the 23rd of Dec at approximately 4 am..

But I hadn't the will power to actually finish it. Mostly because all I really wanted to do was to wallow in my own misery and cry my eyes out- which I did. Anyways, I couldn't type even if I wanted to. The tears blurred my vision. Ergo, I couldn't even see the keyboard. Heh.

Now that I'm (somewhat) sober enough to think clearly, the whole heart-break-drama was totally my fault. As the bestie pointed out;
"You should've lied for the sake of his happiness."

I'm such a fucking idiot. Because come to think of it, that's exactly what I should've done. I knew that I could fix the problem. Or ATLEAST made sure that the problem is actually unfixable (is that even a word??). So why not spare the other the pain of knowing?? I could've just fixed the freakin' problem and pretend like nothing is wrong. No one would know except me. Stupid, stupid girl! Why didn't I think of that before I opened my big fat gob?! *Bash head on wall*

This, ladies and gentleman is the classic example of how a person of usually sound mind can make an unsound decision in a stressful situation.

But what hurt the most is not the problem per se'. It's what the problem has made me realise.

For almost 6 months, we've never fought. Fine, we had a few lil squabbles here and there.. but never anything that truly upset me. Certainly never anything that would actually jeopardize our relationship. So in my head I imagined him handling things differently when trouble rears it's ugly head.

I imagined that he'll stand by me. Never wavering. Not even for a second. Like some knight in shining armour. To always be the pillar I can lean on regardless of how tough things may get.

Because deep down inside, I desperately hoped that he had more faith in our relationship then I do. Because lets face it, I don't have a lot of faith in relationships. Period.

So when he wavered, it hurt like I never imagined it could.

Please don't get me wrong.. I am in no way a better person then he is. In fact I'm worse. Because I foist upon him an expectation so high that it was impossible for him to live up to. I was selfish and unfair. And for that I deserved all the heart ache. It wasn't him who brought fourth the pain- it was me. And my lofty dreams. This is what I get for detaching myself from reality.

there's a saying; the higher you get, the harder you fall.
Hitting the cold hard earth is agony. I do not recommend it.

I guess I ain't as bulletproof as I thought I was. No. In actual fact, yesterday showed me how much of a weakling I really am. To dissolve into a pathetic puddle at the mere thought of losing him. Uggh! Just thinking about it now makes me mad at myself. Spineless! And I hate it. I wasn't like this last year, or the many years before. I haven't cried for a (almost) broken relationship since I was fucking 13- which was when I've decided not to give a single person my all.

Maybe I was right. Love does make you weak.
But I would give all I have to be proven wrong..

Lady of leisure

Once upon a time, there lived a lady (princess??) who wished to be slim (Skinny??).

Unfortunately, there's a few major problems in making the fair lady's (Ha!) dreams a reality..

She Bermuda triangulates food- usually rich in fatty badness. She absolutely HATES exercising and she may also be one of the laziest creatures you'll ever meet. Ergo, she only managed to stick to her low carb diet for (approximately) 6 hours and her resolve to exercise only survived a measly 3 days- which by her standards is pretty damn good. Alas, that wouldn't zap away the buncit-ness of her belly and sausage-like legs.

Tsk..Tsk..

So it's no wonder she's still tipping the scales. Poor girl.

But wait! One misty morning, the lady (who has not slept the whole night due to in-fuckme-somnia) got a call from the grand duchess. The duchess says;

"Darlin', I noticed you were online on facebook! Jolly good! Would you fancy a jog around the magical lake?"

The lady was reluctant, but she remembered her yet-to-be-realised dream and thought why not? Ohh... If she'd only knew how much she would've regretted her decision!

So they arrived at the magical lake (somewhere in sek7, I think..) and started the torture. by the time they finished 3 laps around the now-not-so-magical lake, they were already.. how to say this.. Uhh.. pancit. But with their determined spirits, they managed to go two (WOW!) more laps before collapsing. Even the lady's guts were hurting! But no pain, no gain right?

Twas a big lake- in the lady's opinion. So pancit-ness justified.

When they (finally!) caught their breaths, the duchess complained of immense hunger. So off they went to royal eatery (Pak Li's Kopitiam). Twas a big mistake as the lady ate.. well, alot. But the good news is; she didn't order her much loved cendol! Bravo!

Only later did the two ladies realise that they were ladies of leisure. Fuck the tiring jogs and endless exercise routines. Some rest and relaxation was in order! So rest and relax they did. In a proper country club at that! Saunas, facials and hair treatments. Ahhh... Just the type of beautification the lady likes :)

Royal appreciations to the duchess for such a -much needed- relaxing day.

Saya pandai bertutur dalam bahasa-lah!

"Why don't you blog in Bahasa? Why, our language not good enough for ya?? Stop being such a snob. You know you already look like one, don't act like it too."

*Dush!*
(that shall be the sound of my fist on the cretin's jaw)


*Praak!*
(that shall be the [satisfying] sound of the cretin's jaw breaking)


Alas, all I could manage was to merely imagine destroying the cretin's weirdly formed head.
Damnit. If only it were that easy.. :(
Thank your lucky stars that I'm a better person than you. Dickhead.

Of course, I didn't waste my precious energy explaining myself to the creature.'It' wont be persuaded even when given indisputable logic. I pray to god that I do not have to talk to such a creature EVER again. Uggh..


YOU are shallow. Your views. Your thoughts. Your judgements. I do not need them.


Just because a person writes in English doesn't mean that any other language is beneath them. Heck, I love my country AND it's legacy (which -for the dimwit's information-, includes our language). I speak the language every fucking day and not once have I ever thought that those who speak the language is beneath me and/or uneducated.

As a writer, I thank you for making time to read what I write, but if you think you know me just because you read my posts, think again! So don't judge me so quickly.

I do not write in Bahasa due to the simple fact that I'm not very good with exprssing the going-ons in my head in the language. Oh well, that and also the little fact that my Bahasa sucks. As Mr Books says, my Bahasa is "lebih teruk dari air sampah". *Sigh* Hina sungguh~

Even the boyfriend laughs and points out my obvious -on the borderline of idiotic- mistakes. It has come to a point where he's so used to my fumbles with the language that he can now understand what I'm trying to say even if I say it wrong. My own brand of Bahasa. Heh.

I know I may be bad in Bahasa, but I'm working on it. Who knows? Maybe I'll be able to even write a decent post in Bahasa- without making a total idiot of myself! (One day~)

Negative review

I haven't even left the island yet. But no matter, I've passed my verdict. And it ain't good. I guess this place is just not my cup of tea :(

No offence, but I honestly think I wouldn't survive if I have to permanently stay here. Too many of my personal pet peeves condensed in one place.

1. The place is too crowded. Everywhere I go, there's a throng of people. I don't understand why though because..

2. This place has nothing out of the ordinary.
Shopping? KL is waaay better in terms of variety- plus they jack-up the prices here. Their malls, one word: barren.


(I do not understand what they come here for. There's only around 10 shops open in the whole mall. And please note that this was taken at 9.00 p.m. not closing hours. Even their boutiques are grossly over rated. Apa ni??)

Food? Ehh.. Nothing unobtainable in Shah Alam. Haven't had anything orgasm inducing yet.
Beaches? Although (I have to admit) cleaner then those in Selangor and most in Negeri Sembilan, it's still not in the so-irresistible-wanna-splish-splash category.

3. You can never go anywhere without a horrendous traffic jam. It doesn't really matter if you need to go out in the afternoon or in the dead of night, the jams will be there- waiting for you! It's probably due to the really narrow roads + people parking on the road's shoulders + goddamn traffic lights every 100m + insane amount of cars. Total disaster. Even the prospect of going out makes me tired..


(Twas taken at 10.40 p.m. and yet there's STILL traffic jams. *Sigh* This rinky-dink road is supposed to be a two-way road. Exactly how that'll work without the cars scraping against each other is beyond me.)

4. There's NO parking spaces! One would imagine a place so congested with cars would have loads of car parks. But Nooo.. If you've been to Gurney Drive, you'd know what I mean. Where the fuck do you park there?? Even the locals resort to parking on the roadsides. Naturally, I follow suit, and was rewarded with a big fat fine. Only later did I find out that Gurney Drive is one of the po-po's fav spots to get extra cash. (Tip for you!) Fucker.

In my defense, I did try to enjoy the place. I tried to immerse myself in the history. I even went looking for the bloody museum of arts that's supposed to be here. But all attempts failed as there was nothing interesting to see/learn. Darn.

Oh, and I think I'm allergic to something.. I'm guessing it must the the shellfish I've been eating. Damnit! Here comes the ugly angry red rashes. And they itch like hell too. Damn you rashes (and allergies)!!!

Plus, I miss the boyfriend. Badly. My previous theory was indeed bullshit.

Road trip anyone?

I 've finally managed to dig up this clip from my play list.
Ahh~ The memories it brings..



Hands down, the best rendition of 'bittersweet symphony'- sorry Limpbizkit, coldplay, etc.. You guys just can't cut it like The Verve can. This one is a classic in my book.

Plus, Ashcroft in this vid is positively yummy. We can make sweet symphony anytime baby.. (Ha! Perasan!) Never mind the fact that the band was formed right around the time I was born or that this vid is considered ancient in pop-age- He still rocks my world!

Come to think of it, I tend to fall for guys like these. Tall, lanky, skinny, and a lil bit dishevelled.. *melt* Mmm.. Kinda reminds me of the boyfriend. *Wink2* ;)

On a random note; Where the hell did I put 'Cruel Intentions'? This OST totally reminded me of that movie- which was really not that bad. It certainly had it's good points. And, (Spoiler alert!) it's one of the few movies with unhappy endings (The hero kicks the bucket) that leaves you feeling satisfied.

Hmm.. Finding it might be a lost cause. It's probably buried amongst the humongous piles of discarded CDs in the house. I would've downloaded the damn thing if not for the fact that I've been trying to download 'An Education' for the past week! Since it was released in November, Still no seeds. Damnit!

Funny how they screen fucking 'District 9' and not real good movies. I still do not understand how Malaysia's boards pick and pass movies. They're a disaster. FYI, next time please don't cut critical parts of the movies which will surely confuse and frustrate the viewers. We goddamn paid for the entertainment. Thankyou.

***

Since I shall be leaving for the sandy (and hopefully clean) beaches of Penang, I'm squeezing in as much time with the boyfriend as possible. I'm trying to compress almost a week without him into a single day.

Based on my theory, that way I can enjoy the sandy beaches without terribly missing him. It sounds like an idiotic theory, but that's all I have for now. Hope based on idiocy is much better then nothing at all right?

I think he's gonna take me on a road trip.

I wonder what shenanigans we'll get into this time :)

Due deliverance

Today was a roller coaster ride- to say the least.

But first and foremost, I dub my last post as angst ridden. It simply took me time and a lil bit of re-reading to realise that it was unfair of me to be so rebellious. Especially since they DO love me- in their own sick and twisted ways..

Twas something that I wrote in the 'heat of the moment' and for a while there, I let my juvenile emotions get in the way. Not very sophisticated, I know. Ergo, it is not to be taken seriously. I call it mere ranting.

The fact is; I love and adore my family- though there might be moments when I could just strangle/beat/trample/etc. them to death- I still love and adore them.
*sigh*
Is that really a blessing or a curse??

Anyways, since my results were due, I'd figure it's better to mend the proverbial dam before the huge torrents of water (ie, my horrible results) hits. Turns out that it just took alot of talking (note: some debating skills were handy too).
Now, *Ta-da~* I can go out more often, although I could not get them to lift my curfews. *Sigh* Oh well, I'll take what I can get.

For now.

Rabbit hole

Have gone a full fucking day without setting foot outdoors. And I bloody hate it. It's like being imprisoned in your own home. I cant even go out for dinner! It's just 2 measly hours for god's sake! I am so over this.

I know my parents don't like me going out, but this is getting ridiculous. I'm not 18 anymore- which I might add, is when most parents would 'let go'. but oh~ not mine. If anything, they're tightening the reigns. I know they 'might' do it because they love me but I'm suffocating here!

Don't do this. Don't do that. Do it like this, don't do it like that.
Aggh! Can you hear my restraints snap??

I'm being molded into a replica of what they think I should be. If it were up to them, I'd be a domestic goddess without a single bit of wit in me. I'd be sickly sweet and definitely boring.
Urgh!

And I'm not even mooching off their money. I don't go off gallivanting only to come home and ask for more money. I just go. And come back as if I've never gone anywhere in the first place. Anyways it's not like we spend 'family time'. I'm not missing anything. My brother goes on-line to play DOTA all day, while my parents stay in their room, in front of the TV after they get home. That leaves me, rotting away.

I know now why studying away from home is a good thing. The whole 'It teaches you to be independent' is only part of the whole shebang. It gives you room to explore. Build who you REALLY are. Being in the same University as your mother is NOT a good thing. Imagine every slip up reported. Every move watched. It's enough to make you go crazy.

I need my own space.

Please, take me away.

Bad romance, indeed.

Bestie: Shit. You just ain't got it in you, huh?
Me: *Shrug*
Bestie: You suck.

In this case, Yes I do.

It's not that I hate romance. I'm just... bad at it. It's not like I had any experiences with this kind of thingamajigs anyways. It's my first time celebrating a boyfriend's birthday for god's sake.

*Sigh*
Even while writing it down, it sounds sad. Almost 20 years and not 1 birthday? Boo to me. Anyway, I tried to make a list of potential gifts. When I finally wrote down 'external', the bestie finally stoped me. Seeing my hopeless state, the bestie bestowed upon herself the duty to make me an 'acceptable romancer' (whatever the fuck that means..) Apparently, an external isn't very 'romantic'. Ha.

So off I go in search of romance. (Haha!)

We went all the way to KL to do this. Naturally, we got lost. It had to happen la.

2 clueless people + winding KL roads + bad traffic - GPS device = Sesat 2 jam.

Despite all that, we managed to get a huge ass bear for him. Hmm.. am not very sure if he'll like it, but whatdaheck. As long as it's 'romantic'. The bestie says it's a perfect gift since it's as huge as I am. Harhar. But I liked it too. Since it's soft and fluffy :) Zzzzz....

Happy B'day darlin'. I love you.

Throw down/ Show down

As I move my feet towards your body
I can hear this beat
it fills my head up And gets louder and louder

Even when live, she sounds fucking awesome.
She reminds me of The Cranberries mashed with Metric. (pun not intended)
Their album is worth every penny. *Drool*
I'll dole out massive cash just to see her.
However chances that she'll actually make it to Good ol' M'sia is a million to one.

Fuck me.

***

Went to (yet) another wedding. On the boyfriend's birthday no less!
(I just cant get a fucking break now can I?!)
Sheesh.

Just barely stoped myself from tearing my hair out from having to be plastic and in such close proximity with somebody that I'm (currently) frustrated with.

Since I had to conform to what was expected of me, I was quite obviously upset. If I could breathe fire, I would. I HATE being what I'm not. I hate being told how to carry myself. Leave me the fuck alone.

Ergo, the perfect dinner partner for me would be somebody who doesn't say a thing- Which leaves only the baby. Thank god he can't talk yet. He just cried the whole time. To me, that's way better then speaking. At least it's an honest emotion. Way easier to handle.
Bloody adults and their manipulating ways.

As promised, Here's a pic. Albeit a lil Grumpy, teary-eyed and in the dark.

Thanks for being grumpy with me lil man :)

I shall decline to post a pic of myself this time as I was forced to obey ghastly fashion advise (threats more like it!). And since I look like a mik cik wearing a goddamn burly sack already, I'd figure no amount of kick ass make-up will make it any better. So I went to the wedding sans make-up. (Why waste perfectly good make up right??) By the end of the first course, my face was reflecting light like a beacon.

Angry me + horrifying clothes - make up = Banshee
(mak cik version. Not hot death siren.)

Fuck.

Cosmic iniquity

"Life is seldom fair" He says.
Stroking my hair, holding me close while I wept. Sensing my fears.

God, I miss him.

Fuck you, fate.

Darlin', twas wasn't an easy decision to make. Months of sleepless nights knowing that the happiness will not last- was the cruelest punishment of all.

True, I may be a pessimist of sorts, but I'm also being realistic. You being there to see me fall will only hurt you. Especially when you're powerless to do anything about it. I should know, I go through it almost on a daily basis. Watching the person you love slowly but surely whiter away ebbs your soul.

And I never want you to have to experience that unnecessarily. I promised myself that I shall protect you from that pain- while I can.

But even as I write this, I know that you'll never listen to me. I know that you have your own resolves. Knowing that you won't abandon me while I sink like the great Titanic is bittersweet. I love you all the more for willingly going down with me yet I condemn you for a fool for not saving yourself. Especially when we both know you deserve so much better.

I'm not trying to push you away. We both know that I love you too damned much for me to do so. There were times when I wanted to be totally selfish- more times then I would care to even admit. God, I wanted it so bad. To not care about your feelings and drag you down with me anyway. If you only knew.. Then you'd know how much I don't wanna go.

Fate's a bitch. Life's unfair. I know.

So please think of this as my last desperate attempt to make things right.

Mama Do(n't)

Had our family dinner today and FINALLY got to see my new lil nephew! The last time I saw him, he was 2 weeks old. Too fragile. Now at 7 months, he's cheeks are perfect for pinching- Hard.
Muahahaha!!!
(Can't help it, He's so damned cute. It runs in the family. Ha!)

Unfortunately I forgot to take a picture of him to prove to you all of his overwhelming 'cuteness'. *Dush!* Flying kick muka sendiri.
Maybe next time.

Anyway, in the middle of dinner, the baby starts to get uneasy. So since I'm SUPPOSED to be on a diet, I offer to take him for a walk around the mall.

BIG mistake.

People started stopping me to coo at the baby. That's understandable since he's so cute. But what they said next was so venomous, I was seriously tempted to punch their lights out.

1st person: "Wah! What an adorable baby. Congratulations to you!"

I was in a state of shock! What the fuck is THAT supposed to mean??! Do I look like I had a baby??! However, I disregarded the whole thing and convinced myself that the person is an idiot.

2nd person: "Such a beautiful child! You must be very proud. It's tough being a mother."

I was Gobsmacked. Completely and utterly speechless. motherfucker. Do I look like the mother?? Damn, if I had my own baby now, it'll die within a week! (No joke!)

And more importantly, how can these nimbwits mistake me for a person who's (Godforbid!) married and has a (Gasp!) child?? I do NOT look that old. Thankyouverymuch

To avoid yet another similar accouter, I dash back to T.G.I.F. At that point I was ready to put the baby down and do something so recklessly stupid, only the young will dare to do such a thing. (I was teetering on the brink here!)

But before I could get to my salvation, the doorman at T.G.I.F. opened the door for me and says

"Welcome, MADAM. May I get a baby chair for your child?"

I bet I had the look of a hungry Lochness monster because the guy automatically backed off. Dickhead. Thank your lucky stars that I'm holding a baby in my arms- and I wanted to set a good example for him. Otherwise, I would've kicked your nuts for that comment!

Next time, we shall have dinner elsewhere. Preferably somewhere where people have brains.