Cosmic iniquity

"Life is seldom fair" He says.
Stroking my hair, holding me close while I wept. Sensing my fears.

God, I miss him.

Fuck you, fate.

Darlin', twas wasn't an easy decision to make. Months of sleepless nights knowing that the happiness will not last- was the cruelest punishment of all.

True, I may be a pessimist of sorts, but I'm also being realistic. You being there to see me fall will only hurt you. Especially when you're powerless to do anything about it. I should know, I go through it almost on a daily basis. Watching the person you love slowly but surely whiter away ebbs your soul.

And I never want you to have to experience that unnecessarily. I promised myself that I shall protect you from that pain- while I can.

But even as I write this, I know that you'll never listen to me. I know that you have your own resolves. Knowing that you won't abandon me while I sink like the great Titanic is bittersweet. I love you all the more for willingly going down with me yet I condemn you for a fool for not saving yourself. Especially when we both know you deserve so much better.

I'm not trying to push you away. We both know that I love you too damned much for me to do so. There were times when I wanted to be totally selfish- more times then I would care to even admit. God, I wanted it so bad. To not care about your feelings and drag you down with me anyway. If you only knew.. Then you'd know how much I don't wanna go.

Fate's a bitch. Life's unfair. I know.

So please think of this as my last desperate attempt to make things right.